E Pluribus Unum

[Note: I'll be away from my computer for the rest of this week. In the meantime, here is one of the more popular posts from the past.]

No, this isn't Dave's list. It comes from here:

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
   
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
   
3. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
   
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
   
5. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
   
6. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
   
7. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
   
8. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
   
9. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
   
10. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse kick delivered by Chuck Norris.

P.S. If you thought those were funny, you need to see the other 20 of the Top 30 Chuck Norris Facts. On the other hand, if you cannot fathom why I put this up here, just move on and don't tell anyone we talked.

(HT to Kung Fu Monkey)