E Pluribus Unum

"New Rule: Nobody can use the phrase "our greatest problem" anymore unless you're talking about global warming. President Bush has been saying we're in a war on terror, and now I get it. He's not saying "terror," he's saying "terra" as in "terra firma," as in the Earth. George Bush is an alien sent here to destroy the Earth! I know it sounds crazy, but it made perfect sense when Tom Cruise explained it to me last week."
---Bill Maher

"Here now a list of requirements for Dick Cheney's `downtime suite'...Cheney wants bottled water, decaffeinated coffee. He wants his lights on. He wants the temperature at 68 degrees, the TV's must be tuned to Fox news. I was thinking, 'My God, I wish they would have put this much preparation into the Iraq War.'"
---David Letterman

"We're now down to the final four. Not college basketball. The number of people who still think President Bush is doing a good job."
---Jay Leno

"Ummm...well, uh...I wasn't prepared for that one."
---Cobra II co-author Michael Gordon, responding to Jon Stewart's question, "After the fall of Baghdad, what did [Bush and the neocons] get right?" on The Daily Show

"The President's mother, Barbara Bush, donated tax-deductible money to the Katrina Relief after the flood. And now we find out that it was with specific instructions that the money be spent for educational software owned by her son Neil. Because who can forget those tragic images of the poor black people on rooftops in New Orleans holding up signs that said, 'Send Educational Software'?"
---Bill Maher

(HT to Bill in Portland Main)