Happy Birthday to the Queen of All Evil

(Here's a reprint of a piece I have run every year since 2004 because, well, I fear the consequences if I don't.)

We pause today to recognize Rosemary's birthday. Go on over to her blog and wish her a happy birthday.

I asked her once if there was any truth to the rumor that she was the illegitimate child of Bill Bennett and Janis Joplin. She just smiled and turned away.

Later she came back (tires squealing and guns blazing) and shot out the windshield of my car while I waited at a traffic light.

"Hey you jerkoff! Is it true that you're the bastard spawn of Mort Kondracke and Susan Estrich? Bwahahahahahahaha!"

She let fly with another shotgun blast and blew out my right front passenger window. I ducked. She left skid marks as she fishtailed away from the intersection.

I could hear sirens in the distance and dogs barking. She was long gone. I sat up in the front seat and dusted the broken glass off the dashboard.

Many happy returns, Queen.

P.S. Trivia: Her mother (her real one, not Janis Joplin) loved the classic movie Rose-Marie, starring Jeanette MacDonald and Nelson Eddy. You know the one:

Opera singer Marie de Flor (MacDonald) seeks out fugitive brother in the Canadian wilderness. During her trek, she meets a Canadian mountie Sgt. Bruce (Eddy) who is also searching for her brother. Romance ensues, resulting in several love duets between the two.

Anyway, they thought "Rosemary" sounded a bit more American, so her parents gave her that name instead.