Obama v. Hillary: What It's Come To

On the eve of the Louisiana primary, our house got a "call" from "Bill Clinton." Well, it sounded like him anyway, on the answering machine. Apparently Bill in Portland Maine got a series of similar calls on the eve of the Maine caucuses:

[Beep!] Hello, this is Barack Obama reminding you to come out and caucus for me on Sunday. Together we can bring hope and change to America. Thank you.

[Beep!] Hello, this is Hillary Clinton. If you agree that we need a new direction in America, please caucus for me on Sunday. I have the experience needed to hit the ground running on day one. Thank you.

[Beep!] Hi, Barack again. Did Hillary just call you? Look, she and I were friends before the primary season and we'll be friends after. But right now she's just acting crazy, understand? Vote for me and I may let you stand next to me at my inauguration.

[Beep!] Hillary here. Barack's feeding you a line 'o crap and he knows it. Not only will I let you stand next to me at my inauguration, but I'll give you the cabinet position of your choice. You have to admit, that's pretty sweet. Love ya!

[Beep!] Hey, it's Barack. Love ya more. Wanna be my VP?

[Beep!] Oh, he's not gonna make you vice president and he knows it!

[Beep!] Will too!

[Beep!] Will not!

[Beep!] This is Chelsea Clinton. Have you seen my mom or my dad? I'm supposed to be at a rally with 'em but there's no one here. Today's Nebraska, right?

[Beep!] Hi, this is Oprah. Despite what the Clinton campaign says, I am not going to crush your skull between my thighs if you don’t vote for my man Barack. That would let you off too easy! Hint hint.

[Beep!] Hi, Barack again. That wasn't Oprah. That was Hillary pretending to be Oprah. You see how these people work? I think it's... Oh, wait, it was Oprah. Never mind. Vote for me!