Strategies for Republicans to help them keep control of Congress

Our favorite Bush loyalist is casting around for strategies to help Republicans keep control of Congress. Isn't it kind of late in the game to bust out of their role as the do-nothing, rubber-stamp Republicans? I mean, never mind that they wouldn't be IN this position so close to the election if only they had, you know, DONE something during their tenure as the majority party.

Whatever.

Regardless, I'll offer some suggestions (in no particular order) for how they can keep their majority:

1. Get every state with a majority-Republican state legislature to reduce the number of voting machines in Democratic precincts on election day. You know -- one machine per precinct is plenty.

2. Get churches to aggressively recruit new voters. Tell them that Democrats are queer-lovers who favor teaching our children about man-on-dog sex in the public school while plotting to impeach President Bush.

3. In each Congressional race, accuse the Democrat of being "the al-Qaeda candidate."

4. Release another Osama tape on Nov. 2, 2006, which is the Thursday before election day. Or, if no such tape is handy, raise the terror alert to Orange or even Red.

5. 9/11, 9/11, 9/11.